Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except Me and My Monkey

On Wednesday I finally saw my lawyer again. We discussed how my wife has changed her mind on the agreement three times, each time after we agreed verbally and then had it drawn up. This time she wants financial statements to verify my numbers for my retirement savings. But since we had negotiated, one on one, in good faith, using estimates, I though this was being picky. The numbers I used were based on real values.

I complained to my lawyer about these new demands that never end, and he started to see that she is just dragging this out, thinking that somehow she will get more money out of me. I provided him with my statements, showing my numbers were right, but told him that if I have to prove my numbers, she should have to prove hers.

Since she has paid none of the utilities or mortgage for the last 14 years, she has probably socked away a lot of money somewhere. I only recently started to think about the math. She brings home $2,000 (clear) every 2 weeks, and only pays for a car payment, 2 days per week of daycare, some of the groceries, and her alcohol. That is it. She must have at least $2,000 extra every month. Where does it go? I would like to see some of her statements just to make sure our estimates were in the right ball park.


My lawyer thought some more about the house, which I am keeping. Since it was bought before we married, and I paid all the payments on it, it could be argued that it is pre-marital. Of course it has appreciated, but he added some remarks about how my wife might only be entitled to a portion of the amount paid on the mortgage. And to calculate that, we would determine how much the mortgage balance has decreased since we married.

But it hasn't decreased. Three times I borrowed money from the house to pay off both of our credit cards. Altogether I borrowed enough to give her $18,000, and now the mortgage balance is higher than when we married. Wow. Apparently that means something. I'm not sure of the legal basis, but the lawyer tells me that now he is going to use this argument to put some pressure on them. If my wife continues to dig for money, we will pursue the argument that she should get none of the house. And if you reallly count all the money and debts that we should have, she would actually get less money from me.

It sounded convincing. So he is sending this letter to her lawyer telling them that they ought to just sign or risk losing what we offered (which was too much to start with).

Today I get word that my wife is ready to sign (4th time), with a few changes to the agreement. I don't know what those changes are yet, and I am anxious to see what else she could change.

And now I am a little concerned about all the extra money she has been hiding. A few years ago she opened a new savings account in her name only. I thought it was odd, but didn't argue about it (when I discovered it) because I didn't think we were getting divorced. But now I find out that she knew back then that we were going to divorce (but didn't tell me). So it is altogether possible that there is a substantial amount of money in there. We'll see. And on Monday we'll see what changes she has made to the agreement.

What a mess. The greed surprises me. The deception, the unfaithfullness, the selfishness, the coldness...They surprise me too. I'm looking forward to getting this behind me, but I have to admit that I hope my daughter doesn't learn too much from her mother.