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When a neighbor has too much to drink at his own late-night cook out party, he puts a hot dog in his pants as a joke, and your wife then takes a bite out of it.
You can take the girl out of the trailer, but...
Clue # 427
You take your wife to see Paul McCartney but she spends the first 5 songs hanging out with the various chauffeurs at the bar until you go and find her.
Clue # 213
You find that a coworker named Leo has given your wife a $65 Valentine's Day gift certificate for a massage. You get nothing from him.
Clue # 168
Your wife tells you that she doesn't need to save anything for retirement. Years later you find out why that is, when she takes half of yours.
Clue # 487
A customer in a diner says Hi to your wife and laughs about how she spanked him at the bar last night. Excuse me?
Clue # 592
Your wife doesn't understand why you are reluctant to have Christmas dinner at her ex-husband's parent's house. So she goes without you.
Clue # 329Your wife is angry because you hung out with your friends, after their wedding, until midnight. She says that you should be home with your family, and later admits that she was angry because she wanted to go out at 10:00 and was stuck with the kids.
Clue # 773
You miss utility and insurance payments when your wife and her daughter selectively shred your mail. She tells you, “I didn’t shred anything today.” Yesterday is another story, however.
Clue # 346
Your wife tells you that you can’t go out with her tonight because it is girls only, not couples. Then her friend and her husband pick her up.
Clue # 347
Your wife tells you that you can’t go out with her tonight because she can’t be herself with you around.
Clue # 348
Your wife tells you that you can’t go with her tonight because you are not allowed.
Clue # 400
The man who was just kissing your wife, and whom you’ve known for 15 years, tells you that he thought she wasn’t married.
Clue # 387
Your wife tells you that she would like to have another baby, but prefers that you not be the father.
Clue # 402
She tells you that it’s over just before you go to the class reunion. Then she calls you at the reunion and demands to know why you left without her.
Clue # 391
She gets her hair done while you are in emergency surgery with appendicitis.
Clue # 458
She reads you the Riot Act for not coming home right after a good friend’s father’s funeral and going to his house instead.
Clue # 171
She becomes angry when you call your mother while on a business trip to see if she is still in the hospital.
Clue # 230
When your mother invites you both out for dinner, your wife refuses to go because she wasn’t invited directly. This creates another awkward moment when your wife decides to show up in the middle of dinner, angry.
Clue # 537
When you're at the hospital with your mother in ICU on a breathing machine and you call your wife to ask her to meet you, your wife goes to the gym and works out before coming to meet you.
3 comments:
I can only hope that you used a random number generator to assign numbers to the clues. If you spent the time to list out over 500 clues, I will have to smack you. You could have been doing something productive with that time, like downloading porn or playing video games.
I don't believe any of this. You must be lying. She couldn't possibly have been THIS lo-down and cruel. She seemed like such a good person! I demand proof! Now will you please excuse me while I go make another pitcher of margarita's?
Hey there...It was interesting reading your blog. An aunt passed on your site to me. We are cousins and I am going through a similiar situation with my ex husband.
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