The Counselor Visit

I couldn't avoid going to see the counselor that my ex-wife takes my daughter to, but I did manage to schedule a time when I could see her alone, instead of with my ex-wife (who really just wants to prove me guilty of something). I showed up on time and waited in a small alcove in a hallway.

There was a receptionist behind very thick glass who told me Jane would be with me shortly. There were other people there who looked rather dirty and ragged. A note on the wall asked patients to not yell down the hallway for their counselor. I found a rack of pamphlets about the place and I picked one up. Interesting. Apparently their primary mission is to help with drug abuse, which explains why there was some sort of deal going on in the parking lot.

I can't imagine bringing a child here, and this is probably why my child doesn't like it.

Pretty soon Jane came out, shook my hand, and then ushered me into her office. We sat down, chatted a little, and then she pulled out a pad of paper with a list on it. She started telling me how wrong it was to tell my daughter that my wife is to blame for everything. She told me how I am damaging my daughter by telling her that Mommy robs me blind.

Apparently Jane is misinformed, as I expected.

When it was my turn I carefully told her that I don't do those things. I told her why those things are bad, and what kinds of things we really talk about. I told her why I think our daughter misbehaves at her mothers. "It could be," I said, "because her mother always wants to be her pal--just like she did with her first daughter--and when it is time to switch into parent mode, our daughter doesn't understand."

Jane nodded and said that that is a mistake a lot of parents make.

At some point I also tactfully told her that our daughter might have a little resentment because she witnessed what happened.

"I used to take care of her when her mother went out drinking every weekend. She noticed when Mommy couldn't read her a book because Mommy was going out. And she noticed when Mommy wasn't there in the morning either. She saw her mom come home around 10 or 11 looking very worn out, and then sleep all day."

And of course, she noticed that Daddy didn't approve of it much. Then Mommy moved out permanently. Our daughter noticed these things, I didn't have to tell her.

I think the counselor understood and she started nodding and agreeing with me more. We had a nice conversation about all the people involved and by the end of the meeting, I think she really had a more accurate understanding of it all.

When our time was up she asked me for $25.

"Twenty-five dollars?" I said. "But you called me and asked me to come in," I offered. After all, I didn't want to come in at all.

"Do you have a problem with that?" she asked me. (She probably uses that question a lot).

Well, I didn't want to ruin our new friendship so I smiled and gave her $25. I might as well stay on her good side.

She also mentioned that she only recently discovered that there is this $25 co-pay. She originally thought there was no co-pay, and so now my ex-wife owes her $25 for every visit! I wish I could see the look on her face when she finds this out.

The visit was over and I was glad. I think I did well. I said all the right stuff, and I told her the truth. She didn't ask for me to come back, so I hope I am in the clear. I walked out of the rehab house with a smile.