Appomattox

She asked me twice yesterday if I had signed the settlement papers. She was anxious to have them complete and to get my money. I told her that I had not yet signed them.

"You bugged me about signing them," she complained to me after work. "You kept asking me to sign them."

"And you weren't in any hurry to do it," I whispered to myself.

But now she is in a hurry. I have surrendered on most points, and she has started building a house nearby. So now she needs the money, and she knows that will take time.

Hmm. I thought about how the table turned a little. Now she needs the money and is motivated to settle. Perhaps I have the upper hand for once. Perhaps I should try to get equal time.

I thought about it for a while, but if I start negotiating again for more time, it will delay things a lot and cause even more stress for me and for my daughter. So I decided to finish this contest of legal jousting.

At 3:00 I signed the settlement papers at the lawyers office. I gave her over half of my entire retirement savings and over half of our daughter's time, as well as a monthly check for the next 15 years.

In exchange for that, I get peace, and two small couches.

Hmm.

Then the lawyer told me that he was busy this Thursday, but he could have me divorced next Thursday. It would be a short appearance in court and the judge would sign everything.

Really? Divorced? Just like that? Wow. No kidding. That easy? I should bring that red button thingy from Staples that says "That was easy" when you push it. Right after the judge taps his gavel, I'll hit the button. ...I really hope he has a sense of humor.

On the one hand, if I had known it was that easy I would have considered this hours after getting married.

On the other hand, it is a little surprising to hear that the whole nine year marriage can be dissolved so quickly. It really isn't the result I had wanted. This was Plan Z.

Nonetheless, it is necessary. And so in 14 days I'll go to the court house and get a signature that says I am single again. And that will be a very, very expensive signature, and a very expensive lesson I take away.

Then it will take about six weeks to get the money for her. We will live together (not married) during that time--kinda like we did before we got married, except that we won't argue as much.