Boiling Point

Last night, as I was returning from a day on the boat, I see my ex-wife at the neighbor's front door. These are the neighbors that she makes fun of and has never even been inside their house. I can tell from her silhouette that she is wearing her Star Trek uniform (this is what I call any of her incredibly short dresses worn with boots).

I go inside and immediately smell the Escape perfume. She has prepared for another drunken night out. She comes in and tells me that our 5-year old daughter is coming home soon from the neighbors. She just got there and will be home in a while.

But it is obvious that this was an aborted drive-through babysitter attempt. I ask her if she was really going to drop her off at the neighbors. No, she says. "But aren't you going out?" I ask.

"Yes," she tells me.

"Then who was going to watch her?" I ask.

"I wasn't going out!" she complains. "But now I am."

So apparently she put on her uniform, taped her breasts together, sprayed perfume all over her, just to visit the neighbors that she really doesn't like. Hmm. Maybe.

With that, she went out. My daughter came home and we watched TV for a little while before bed. In the middle of the night, I woke up and found that my ex was stumbling around in her bedroom, but her car was not here. Looks like again she couldn't drive it and someone dropped her off. She is a wonderful example for her two daughters. Of course, the 18 year old was out drinking too.

And speaking of the 18-year-old who wishes I was dead, tonight (Saturday) I was watching TV in the basement when I heard her male friends upstairs. No big deal, although I wish they would hang out in someone else's house.

Then I heard them get louder. "Shut the f--- up!" shouts one of them. They are just kidding around, but my daughter is up there.

So I go upstairs and they are watching Jackass and shouting at each other in ways that only teenagers who depend on a limited vocabulary can. And my daughter thinks it is great. She is jumping up and down on the couch while Johnny Knoxville injures himself on TV.

I ask what is going on and I get blank stares from the two men. Actually, they didn't look at me. They just stared at the TV. I was not acknowledged. Nice.

I turn the TV off and tell them, "Sorry guys, but she is only five."

They eventually all left with the girls who were upstairs during all this. None of them ever looked at me or acknowledged that they were in my house. And when my ex-wife came downstairs, I told her that "I'd rather that those kids don't come in here." I explained the profanity thing and all that. My ex looked at my and smiled as if to say, "Shut the F--- up."

This is why my boiling point is near. My daughter learns from all this. She learns the appropriate context for the f-word. She learns how her mother laughs at her father's concerns. She learns how her sister disregards her father. She learns that Mommy was out all night as usual and lost her car again.

I asked my lawyer the other day if there is some way I can get my ex-wife out of here. He couldn't have been more disinterested in the problem.

So now I want to find a new lawyer and ask how I can get the adult step-daughter out of here. If she leaves, then maybe my ex will leave. Maybe?

I hate to do such a drastic thing, but when am I ever going to get my house back???

Right now,

• she is still 3 months behind in paying me $360 for living here, which is a ridiculous amount.
• She is on a campaign to be best friends with every neighbor she never liked before.
  
• She is still putting my stuff in the basement as she rearranges the living areas.
  
• Her grown daughter is still lounging about the house, cursing me under her breath, and coming home at 3 and 4 in the morning.
  

And there is no end in sight. Because of a strategic error when writing the settlement, she can get paid and leave whenever she wants. And I think it will be at least 5 months before her house is built.

Meanwhile, my lawyer tells me that he has finally sent the court order to my retirement fund people (only a month late). They will now wait a minimum of 30 working days until paying her. But they won't pay her until she fills out some forms. So they wait for her. And so do I.