Constructive Desertion

My wife's lawyer sent a letter telling my wife that I am preparing to file the official divorce complaint, and it is now time to cough up $5,000 for a retainer. Amazingly, my wife suddenly wanted to talk to me about finalizing a deal and avoiding court.

She found me in the basement and asked if we are going to agree or not. We talked about the numbers for a while. I explained the tax implications and showed her how I was adding enough money to cover her tax burden. I showed her the letter from my CPA and his numbers. I showed her my online balance of my accounts... Finally she understood that I am not lying and that she is able to leave me and take most of my assets with her. The money I saved for retirement will be mostly hers. And the tiny amount that she put away for retirement will be half mine. It will be enough to buy a few pieces of furniture. Her take will be enough to put down 30% on a house.

I told her that I believe that if a person wants to leave a marriage after being unfaithful, they should just take their stuff and go. But she feels they should take my stuff and then go, slowly.

At this point, I don't object much. The last 7 months have been difficult in that she is living her single life in our house, paying no bills, drinking every weekend, and arguing about the amount of my retirement savings. I don't care about retirement anymore, only peace. Without peace soon, I may never see retirement.

And we would have been done with this months ago if her lawyer hadn't repeatedly objected to everything we agreed upon. Now my wife agrees that her lawyer is only being difficult for her own benefit. So now my wife has a printed version of the final settlement that we agree upon, and last week she took it to her lawyer for a final review.

My lawyer actually got the settlement papers back, signed. My wife had signed them, FINALLY. But wait! No, this can't be. Yep, her lawyer changed them again.

For the fifth time she took what we had agreed upon and Changed It. She added a paragraph about my wife getting our 2006 tax refund even though she under-withheld on her taxes. She also added text saying that my wife could stay in my house for 2 months after I pay her a huge settlement.

We were close. Very close. It was almost a deal. But I don't think I am going to give her the tax refund. That is crazy. With all the cash she is getting, I think she won't need my tax refund. Perhaps she should have paid her taxes in the first place. (You see she underpays and I over pay each year). I am hoping to take that refund and buy more frozen dinners.

In the meantime, my lawyer has filed the papers to go to court, basing the divorce on Constructive Desertion. It is a term that originally meant that the person deserted the marriage, but not the house. I could have just used the basic no-fault grounds, but I thought this was much more appropriate.

I think we will clear up these few items soon. My wife is finally motivated to get her own place. And come to think of it, that is how I first found her in my first house; she was getting away from husband number Two.

Peace is just around the corner. Poverty too, but that is ok.