All of It is Not Enough

Another round of divorce negotiations has passed.

Her lawyer insisted that the term Shared Parenting could not be in the agreement. I insisted that it was an important indication of our intent. My wife didn't really care, but listened to her lawyer.

We argued about it and in the end I offered to remove the part of the agreement where we would re-evaluate our child's visitation in a couple of years. (It had originally been "equalize" visitation, but I had to surrender on that too.) I would remove it as long as we kept the reference to the Shared Parenting concept. I knew that she would never agree to equalize the time so there was little point in re-evaluating the schedule.

She agreed.

Hallelujah. She agreed. Now we agree on everything. Let's sign this pig and maybe she will move out.

A few days went by before my lawyer wrote to me. (It is interesting how he gets my instantaneous emails, but has to respond with a written letter.) He tells me that now my wife's lawyer no longer understands the financial deal. She expects more money now.

Oh jeeze. You see, the deal was that I would pay her with my 401K money, and since that will be taxed, I will give her extra to cover that. Weeks ago there was some debate because my wife didn't understand that the taxes withheld from the payment were the same taxes that she would owe, and the same taxes that I was covering. It was all the same. Does that make sense?

They withhold 20%, she would owe somewhat less than 20%, and I was giving her an extra 20%.

Finally she understood. I printed up exact spreadsheets. Everyone was cool for several iterations of the printed agreement... until now.

Suddenly the lawyer says that she thought the grand total (with the extra 20%) was coming in cash with no taxes withheld or owed. She thinks that the extra was just a bonus for good will.

Uhh. Hello?? How is it that the lawyer only finds a problem after the last problem was solved? Why didn't she bring this up months ago? Certainly she read the agreement. Certainly she understood the word "taxable."

Anyway, I wrote my lawyer a long email explaining yet again that the money will be taxed and I padded the extortion payoff with more than enough money to cover it. And if they want to argue about it, lets start over and count all her assets and all my enormous debts. Then we will see how much less she will get.

Honestly, I don't think my lovely wife or her lawyer are really that stupid. Her lawyer is suggesting little changes, one at a time, to get the most billable hours out of her. And my wife just wants to delay things because she is comfortable.

Yes, comfortable. Right now she lives in my/our house, I pay all the bills and take care of our daughter when she is out drinking, and she doesn't have to deal with me because I stay in the basement to avoid another police episode. So actually, she is more comfortable now than ever. Why kill the Golden Goose?

Sooner or later she has to move, but it might take every penny I have.