Lost and Found

Sometimes I lose my keys or wallet. Once I even lost my temper, but I try hard not to lose my daughter. I went through a lot of legal warfare just to keep her 40% of her time. But recently I lost her and a few others.

I thought I was being a good parent by volunteering to chaperone her class trip to the zoo. It was supposed to be quality time with my daughter and she would enjoy dragging her dad along with her little friends. But it didn't go as planned.

When we got there her teacher, Mrs. Wilhelm, assigned four 1st grade girls to me to watch. Well, that wasn't much of a problem. Some of them liked each other, but that dynamic changed randomly as the day passed.

We started out fine. As we wandered about the zoo pens and cages I got used to herding the loose kids together and making sure none of them got out of eyesight. They had a lot of fun as they checked out each caged animal.

But somewhere around the giraffes Girl #1 wandered off. I did a quick scan and decided she was
ahead of us on this fenced walkway. She couldn't have gone too far. So, while I was still getting Girl #2 and Girl #3 together, my daughter went ahead to find #1 and stop her from going any farther. We would very quickly catch up, after all she was probably just around the corner and I told my daughter to go no further than that.


But when Girl #2, Girl #3 and I got around the corner there was no one familiar there. I did see lots of kids from all the other school trips, but not the two I was supposed to be protecting (one of those on a semi-permanent basis). They were gone.

This was a little disconcerting because up ahead the walkway split. You could either go around the loop we were on again, or you could walk into the main part of the zoo. And with all the kids there, it really was a zoo.


OK. OK. They can't be far. Maybe they went around the loop to see the giraffes again. So the remaining girls and I made another quick loop around. I dragged them past the hippo and the giraffes once again, passing lots of kids, but not mine.

And when I got back to the beginning of the loop I had another problem. I only had one girl left. Girl #2 was now gone too, along with Girl #1 and my daughter. Girl #3 was the only one remaining. She was the sole survivor.

Jesus. OK. Don't panic.

Although the babysitting job was now much easier, I knew the hard part would be explaining to the teacher (and my ex-wife) that I had lost three kids. They probably wouldn't be appreciative that I still had Girl #3. And at this point, if I lost her I might as well get in my car and take off.

One more time around the loop netted Girl #2, who had decided to lay down on a bench. But the first two were now many animals away.

We walked back into the maze of zoo paths and looked. Girl #3 cried. She was hungry. "PLEASE," she begged. "Can we look for them after we eat??" Privately I wished that she had been one of the Lost.

I dragged them some more and finally, in a sweat, decided that I had to confess this all to the teacher. It was time to meet at the picnic tables and there would be two extra lunches. I had to tell her why.

I somehow found Mrs. Wilhelm's cell number and called her. "Hi, Mrs. Wilhelm... Yes, everything is fine... except that I lost track of two of the girls. I am sure they are here somewhere."

Mrs. Wilhelm was quiet for much longer than I was comfortable with. "Please let me know if you want me to come in there and help you find them," she offered.

"Well... Yes. Yes, that would be very nice if you could do that," I said as Girl #3 continued to cry for her lunch.

Good. Help is on the way, I thought. Angry Help, but help nonetheless. I'm not sure how she could find them, but at least she would see that I really am trying to find them. She would see the worry on my face.

And as I looked around some more, the phone rang. It was Mrs. Wilhelm calling back. She told me that the missing girls had been found by one of the other chaperons and they were now sitting down to eat.
Apparently the two quickly found each other and then joined another group because a friend was in that group. Now all I had to do was get my remaining girls to the picnic tables.

"Just bring them on out," says Mrs. Wilhelm. "And please keep your eyes on them."

"No problem," I told her, as if I was very accomplished as a chaperone.

We marched out to the tables. Two girls--one still crying--with one pair of eyes watching their every move. There was no way they were going to escape now.

It was a long walk, and when we got close to the picnic tables all the kids and parents turned to watch us return home. They were all happy to see the girls. Not so happy to see me, even though I still had 50% of my group.

Spaces were cleared for the survivors. Girl #3 stopped crying, and the teacher offered me a water while the other parents looked away in disgust. Thank God he wasn't watching my kid, they all thought.

I stood by myself while the kids ate and played, and then I left, once I had finished all my duties as a chaperone. It is a job I will never be asked to perform again, thank God.


TWO DAYS LATER I took my daughter to Disney World. I was pushing her in a rented stroller with a canopy when I realized she was no longer in it. Apparently she had gotten out of it two blocks back when I was checking my map. I didn't notice because my heavy backpack was also in there.

I went back to the crowded area where I had stopped to check the map and scanned the sea of people. There were lots of people. Lots of kids. In some places I could only see the tops of heads.

I looked and looked. Mrs. Wilhelm couldn't help me now. I was on my own. And so was my daughter.


Finally I started backtracking more. Maybe she went back the way we came. (Or maybe she turned down any one of these side streets). And as I was walking along, not knowing where I would go, I saw my daughter on the arm of an employee. They were walking toward me.

I was incredibly relieved. And the employee didn't even want me to explain how I lost her. He seemed to understand. Of course, he has seen it before. I thanked him, put her back in the stroller and headed back into the crowds.