A Large Transaction

I checked my retirement savings account. It is suddenly half of what it was! That means she has been paid off!

I called the retirement plan people and asked them. My wife got a wire transfer of the money on September 13th! Yay! That means she has 30 days to move out. Actually: Only 16 days, now.

This is good. I already see that she is packing our stuff to take with her. But I wanted to make sure it was only stuff that is on her Escape List so I opened each box in the garage and inspected it. And it was all kosher. Although it wasn't all stuff from her list, it was junk that I don't care to argue about.

I closed each box and re-taped them. If I had a customs stamp I would stamp each box.

Now, anyone who actually reads this blog has got to be tired of hearing me complain. In fact, it is amazing I have any friends left at all, but I am compelled to rant once more, and then I might drop it.

Balance.

As a kid, with three brothers and only one parent to manage us, I remember the importance of fairness and justice. It was sometimes beyond that which was possible, but most of the time it was carefully enforced. When Mom brought home a case of Foodtown sodas from Uncle Dick's Market, we carefully wrote our initials on each can so that no one would "accidentally" drink it all.

The four stools that we sat on for breakfast each had an initial carved on it so that there would be no arguing over identical stools. It was a matter of necessity. And I suppose most kids grow up with a good sense of fairness, too.

So I have to admit that it more than bothers me that my ex-wife can get away with so much. I mean, it really seems like she should owe me something. But of course I know that the law is not complex or aware enough to figure those things out.

But here is the deal:

She was unfaithful, I was resentful. I suggested we try again, she was steadfast in her determination to not do that.

During the 15 years the we were together, we both worked good jobs in a government office. I paid every utility bill and every mortgage bill. When she wanted to move I told her we could only swing it if she started chipping in. She agreed. But when we moved into the new house, she told me that she just didn't have any extra money for the mortgage. So I paid it.

What do you do in that case? I couldn't force her to chip in.

And when I asked for help with the utilities, she told me that as long as I have a (1984) boat, I shouldn't be asking her for living expenses.

And when her last husband paid her $600 in child support each month for 15 years, she kept the money while I provided all the shelter for her daughter. (Now she is suing him for more money!)

But it gets better.

Three times I took out home equity loans, or refinanced, to pay off debt. I paid off $18,000 of her credit cards, which she used to buy the furniture she is taking with her.

During these years I begged her to save something for retirement. She only saved a few thousand dollars. I also begged her to withhold enough tax from her paycheck. She didn't and I made up the difference each year. When I got something back, she took half.

So now, even though she wanted the divorce, paid nothing for the house or furnishings, she gets half my retirement savings and half of the house equity. That is a lot. It is about twice her annual salary.

Then, once she has taken my money and furniture, she will get a check from me for $400 each month because my daughter eats so much.


Well, I am thankful that I am not paying alimony or living in a cardboard box, but this kinda sucks. It isn't just money or a different lifestyle; it means that I will have to sit in a cubicle for at least 15 extra years, if I last that long.

(It is a nice cubicle, though. Perhaps the years will fly by. It is only 3,750 extra days.)

In the meantime, she retires early because she will put some of this windfall into a retirement fund that she never really funded before.


Now I'm 45 and have a good future, but nonetheless it is unlikely that I will realize the family-built-from-scratch I had envisioned. Oh well.

That's the way it is, and lots of people are much worse off. But it just doesn't seem fair, or even remotely fair. It isn't, I suppose. "There is always inequity in life...life is unfair," said John F. Kennedy in 1962. So there it is. Water over the bridge. And in the end, I am really looking forward to my own house for once.

Don't worry. Everything will be fine. Just needed to vent. It doesn't cost anything, except your time for reading it!