Queen takes Pawn

I dropped off the separation/divorce agreement with my wife today and she took it to her lawyer for review. We've been through the draft agreement several times and have updated it accordingly, so there is nothing surprising in here.

But now I get email from my wife who again demands that she get more time with our daughter. We had previously agreed that my wife would get a little more than half our daughter's time to start with, but in 2 years we would equalize the time sharing.

I only agreed to this reluctantly because I think every child has the right to see both parents and should not be denied that right. Assuming both parents are fit, they should be available equally, and the child should get the full benefit of both and not be forced to have a secondary parent. A father who is relegated to a secondary position often ends upbeing more of an uncle than a father.

I'm told that recent studies show that women's self esteem is often linked to their relationship with their father. And that further supports my belief that they should not be denied that father-daughter relationship.

And yet my wife has issues with her father not being around enough when she was a child. But she will demand that I do the same.

My wife's older daughter (17) has a father who wants very badly to be part of her life, but was pretty much sidelined by her mother. She never upheld his visitation time, always spoke badly of him, and never supported his wishes when it came to parenting. She was the only real parent, by her own design. And now her daughter has a terrible relationship with her father. She rarely sees him, has been arrested for shoplifting, and is an angry, difficult teenager.

I know, most teenagers are angry and difficult, but I think she has self-esteem problems and the lack of a real father in her life is key to some of those problems. I should have been more of a father to her, but I felt like I was intruding on what should have been a real father-daughter relationship.

Anyway, how dare my wife tell me that she is ENTITLED to the majority of our child's time. It makes me angry, obviously, that she springs this on me. There is no way that I would give any more on this agreement. She wants the language to say we will "re-evaluate" the shared parenting in 2 years instead of equalize. That is rediculous. And if she insists on pushing this, we are headed for court.

If we go to court on this, I know that divorce tradition is not in my favor. Many judges still follow the old-fashioned concept that fathers are less important, although data shows that those arrangements are shrinking. Still, I would rather go to court and introduce what I think is evidence of an unfit mother.

My wife is not truly "unfit" to be a mother. She loves her kids, BUT, she sets the worst examples for them. Coming home every Sunday morning, drunk, is not a good example for kids. She also teaches them to be shallow and to make fun of others. She teaches our 5-year old to only think of yourself, not others.

Perhaps those are small offenses, but I want my daughter to have the balance of two equal parents, and to be influenced by a mother AND a father (not an uncle).

So we continue to exchange email as we negotiate this crap. It's killing me.