Family Is Lost

I had to go to a parent-teacher conference the other night. No one told me about it, but I had peeked inside an envelope addressed to my ex-wife and sent home with my daughter. It is the standard conference for parents and nothing special.

I arrived first and parked my car in the lot. As I was walking in she arrived, parked in the fire zone at the school entrance, and walked in. When I came face to face with her I was a little startled. Her eyes were blackened with heavy makeup and she was wearing expensive designer glasses that look more like the goggles we wore in shop class.

She didn't have much to say and I think she picked up on the fact that I didn't care to chat with her.

Once we sat down in the little chairs with both the teacher and counselor we talked about our daughter. She is doing fine, says the teacher. She is one of the brightest in the class. She doesn't like to do assignments, but loves to answer questions. She is happy and sociable.

So far so good. We can work on the assignment issue.

Then my wife tells the teacher that our daughter drew a picture recently of a family. I listened intently as she tells that our daughter wrote "Family I L" underneath it.

'Do you know what I L stand for, Mommy?' she asked her mother.

'No,' her mother replied.

'It stands for Family Is Lost.'

At this point my ex-wife's voice cracks and she starts sobbing.

"I just need to know that she is OK," she says as she starts into full crying.

Oh brother. Here we go.

Several thoughts run through my head. First, I think our daughter is most likely OK, but the counselor will be sure to include her in a divorced family group she is forming. And second, I think my ex-wife is beyond explanation.

At that moment, in my mind's camera, the view pans from her crying behind her goggles to my face as I turn to look at her. "Are you kidding me?" I imagine myself asking her. "Did you not think that staying out until Sunday noon, every week, dressed like a go-go dancer, would send a Lost Family message to your daughter??"

"Did you not think that choosing alcohol and friends over your marriage would make her think that her family is kaput?"

"No kidding, the family is Lost. Guess how that happened!"

I had all kinds of good questions and observations for her, now that she finally discovers the obvious. I mean, how did she not expect this? How is this news to her?

It bothers me. I had told her for months that making an attempt at fixing the family is worth it because of all that was at stake for our daughter. But she told me that the family is not important to the child. As long as she has a home, she will be fine. Keeping a family intact is of no value.

And now she cries about it. Did she suddenly realize that families are worth something? Or, did she always know that but figured that our daughter wouldn't notice that she was living in two houses?

I have no clue what kind of deep space static was interfering with her brain, but I was a little unnerved by her breakdown. The teacher and the counselor both looked concerned as they rushed to get her a box of tissues. I think I looked bored.

We wrapped up the conference; they told her not to worry; and I walked out of there quickly. I didn't want to face her. It is both a little painful and a lot aggravating to see her, so I went home quickly and played video games with our daughter in our house.

The stress disappeared as we played Mario Kart. She won as usual.